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By Monica Ellen Smith
A parody of Hamlet’s Famous Soliloquy
in Act 3, Scene 1
To dunk, or not to dunk: that is the question:
Whether ‘tis nobler to suffer
The stings and stares for immersing
Sugary orb and drinking in its saturated goodness,
Or to eat of it in all its dryness, with utensil,
And by yielding end them? To be content: to ignore;
No more; and by ignoring to say we are tormented
Not by the heartache of ridicule mortals must endure,
Wishing devoutly to immerse appetizing confection.
To be content, to ignore;
To ignore: perchance to enjoy: therein lies the difficulty;
For if we ignore, what thoughts of unease may come
When we have scoffed at disapproving scowls
Must give us pause: We must weigh the consequences.
For who would bear the pointed finger,
The oppressor’s wrong, the proud man’s rudeness,
The hidden pangs of covetousness,
The despising sneer, the etiquette of the well-mannered
When he himself could suffer discontent
By use of knife and fork? who would bear
The burdens of criticism but that the distaste
Of eating dry confection that would crumb
Be far worse, puzzles the will
And makes us rather bear those impudent remarks
Than fly to unknown territory? Better to not eat
Than to succumb to the pressures of the etiquette-conscious.
Still and all, hunger does consume us;
And we, creatures of habit that we are,
Cast all worry to the wind, yielding not,
By submerging holy doughnut in coffee, hot;
And raise a plea to heaven’s gate
That ill-manners be not seen.
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Document last modified on: 09/25/2005